I Took a Break from Healing and Moved Across the Country Instead

Hi again! It’s been a while my friends :)

I figured we were long overdue for a catch up. Since I last gave an update, I’ve moved cities, got an endoscopy, stopped working with my naturopath (more on that later), started eating gluten and dairy again, and feel as if I am completely starting over. So this post is dedicated to where I’ve been the past nine-ish months, what I’ve learned about myself and my wellness journey, and what I plan to do next.

After my time in Brazil came to an end in July, I came back to the states with the intention of moving to a new city. While I loved living in New York City post-grad and had my roots planted there with friends and a community, I had the flexibility to move anywhere I wanted. With all of my life’s belongings in a storage unit, and the desire to live in as many places as I can, now was the best time to venture to a new city.

And the new city we landed on was Charlotte, North Carolina - woohoo!! Our plan was to move late August, after spending about a month with family back at home. But, that time in Texas quickly turned into more family time than we could’ve imagined.

We ended up being back at home for waaay longer than anticipated. At first, I really struggled with the idea of temporarily moving back into my childhood bedroom as a 26 year old. I hadn’t returned back home for more than a week since COVID, and since 2020, I was living in NYC with friends and eventually my partner, and had my own life and community. So, it felt like in many ways I was taking steps backwards.

But, being back at home gave me the gift of time: Time with my family, childhood friends, and a break from the world around me. I had the chance to be free from life’s expectations and the inevitable stress that can come from being on your own. I realized how blessed I am to have a loving and safe home, with supportive parents and friends to return to when I need it. And looking back now, it is a time that I actually miss.

That’s not to say I didn’t often feel like I wanted to be anywhere but there. That is mostly because I knew that once I moved - and had more than two suitcases to live out of - I could control my environment the way that I needed to to sustain a healthy lifestyle. In Texas, I didn’t have access to the same health care and routine I needed, and it felt like I was in a waiting period for the next step in my health journey.

So, it inevitably forced me take a pause on my health journey, which had it’s positives and negatives.

For one positive, I couldn’t become overly-obsessed with my health, because there was not much I could control. This was part of the beauty of being in Brazil, too, where the foreign environment improved my health tremendously. In Brazil, I couldn't control a lot of my surroundings, yet my gut health improved. It could have been due to the reduced stress, the routine on the quiet ranch, or the quality of food. Probably a combination of it all. And while I don’t think I was ever 100% perfect there, I definitely did experience significant improvements to my gut health.

After Brazil, I tried to bring this mindset and routine into my Texas lifestyle. I prioritized sleep - I was the early bird going to bed by 9:30/10, not my parents lol - expanded my diet to include beans, rice, fruit, and the occasional bread and dairy (like I did in Brazil), joined a yoga and pilates studio, and did non-BS ways to manage my stress from work.

Despite all of this, my gut health seemed to get progressively worse again. I was really constipated at home, bloating so much I couldn’t fit into my clothes, my acne was horrific, and I just lacked energy and motivation. Like…should I have just stayed in Brazil forever?

But really, it was super discouraging: To return back to the states and have everything flare up again, when only my location changed.

But, I tried to just ignore it. I bought a bigger pair of jeans, stopped wearing such tight clothing, slowed down and enjoyed my meal time with family, and didn’t become hypercritical of what I ate. I just tried to eat a balanced diet, avoiding food that would definitely hurt my tummy.

No matter how much I avoided my problems, they eventually caught up to me, and mentally I couldn’t handle it anymore. One of the downsides of being home that I mentioned was not having access to the same network of providers that I did in New York. So if I wanted to search for answers again, I had to go through the process of finding another doctor to help.

I knew that there was still inpatient testing I could do, which even my naturopath at the time recommended just to rule out things like celiac disease and inflammation in my small intestine. So, while it was super annoying to have to find yet another GI doctor - I think this was number 5 or 6 for me - I did it again and had an endoscopy around October. And can you guess my results?

Clear!

And their solution for my ongoing GI symptoms?

Laxatives and peppermint oil…what a shocker!

And ngl, I actually tried the prescribed laxatives this time, because over the course of the past few months, I realized that constipation really is the root of my issues - causing more bloating, which probably lead to SIBO and leaky gut, and all the other symptoms. So I said, why not! Let’s give laxatives a go.

And I should have known it wasn’t going to do much, but sometimes you need to be burned again to be reminded that the fire is hot.

So, yes, the laxatives did make my symptoms worse, and were most certainly a bandaid solution like I’ve preached about in the past. I was reminded yet again that there is something deeper, there is something that we haven’t yet uncovered. So I had to keep pressing forward, but I felt stuck.

The reason I felt stuck was because I hadn’t settled into my new home yet in the states. I’d been trying to find a new naturopath because my previous one had exhausted all options with me. We simply weren’t a good match anymore, and there wasn’t much more she could help with on my journey. I knew that I wanted to find an in-person doctor to work with, but that wasn’t possible while I was in Texas temporarily.

Since I knew I’d be moving to Charlotte, I figured I’d wait to find someone locally. That move was supposed to happen pretty quickly anyways... but then it got delayed. And delayed again. And again. Until finally, in mid-January — six months after returning from Brazil — we were able to make the move to Charlotte.

And during those six months, when I couldn’t work with my previous naturopath because we exhausted all options and I couldn’t find a new one, I had no motivation to continue my health journey. Other than having an endoscopy, I stopped taking all of my supplements, started incorporating everything into my diet again, and just bought bigger pant sizes. And honestly, it wasn’t the worse at the time.

For years, I was hyper-fixating on my diet, my supplement routine, and healthy choices in order to heal my gut. And for once, I stopped caring. It felt so refreshing to just not give a damn anymore, and feel in tune with my body. But, after a while, that "in tune" feeling with my body felt so far from my normal self.

I was extremely fatigued, had constant brain fog, was unmotivated, dealing with acne, had severe stomach distention and bloating, went to the bathroom maybe 4 times a week but was still constipated… it goes on and on.

And I realized that I was in a place a year ago where I felt so close to finding out all of the answers and healing my issues once and for all. And I was so excited to share all of my learnings with the world, and encourage others to do the same. But now, I’ve lost that excitement and I completely lost track of where I was going and how to get there.

I feel like this is a common story. We make the decision to start our health journey,

determined to find answers and feel our best self, but then something comes along and we veer off the path. We try to find our way back, but it feels directionless and suddenly we’re back at ground zero.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s completely normal to feel discouraged and misguided. But, what we can’t allow ourselves to do is give up entirely. We can’t believe that we’ve gone so far off that path that we have to erase everything and start from scratch. I’ve already done that once when I started this blog, as a way to remove my old biases about health and wellness. I don’t need to do it again.

And over the past two years I’ve gained so much knowledge and clarity that isn’t completely useless. It’s still with me to use as a guide moving forward. And I don’t need to sprint forward, I just need to start walking again.

So, let this be a reminder for me (and maybe for you, too): You don’t have to do everything perfectly to live a healthy life. Wellness comes in waves, as some other things take greater priority. For the past nine months, my priorities have been around family, experiencing a cross-country move, and enjoying my apartment in a new city.

What matters is that bottom line, we are committed to being the healthiest versions of ourselves - not obsessively - but with balance. It’s most important to understand the direction you want to go and be disciplined in your routine, but also have some grace if you fall off. We’re human, by the end of the day, and it’s more about consistency and coming back to your true self again and again.

And as a reminder: If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness. So, let’s start walking on the path now towards healthier days ahead (see what I did there? 😉).

And so, yea, that’s pretty much where I’ve been! It's been exciting and scary but most importantly, a good reminder. Now, I’m making time again to embrace a life without chronic bloating and will be finding a new doctor to work with in Charlotte. Whether that is a functional nutritionist, a naturopath, or integrative medicine doctor, I’m not sure yet. It’s a decision I’ll weigh with you all, and continuing to share as we are on this journey together.